Hey y’all, welcome back to my channel; I’m back with another video, lol. No but seriously, how is everyone out there? I pray your new year is off to a great start. Now…let’s get to it. My last two blogs have kind of spotlighted my deficiencies, places I’ve been broken to the core, and how I saw myself. This blog is an all encompassing full circle post.
When I saw broken and un-repairable God saw whole. I wasn’t too broken for Him. I was actually right where He needed me to be all along. All out of options, in a far away land, worn out, and TIRED. It was in this very place He was able to build and resurrect me. You see, I had forgotten that I was “blood bought” and nothing could change that; regardless of my distorted perception. By the way, perception is NOT reality. However, we get so caught up in what we see –especially in the social media era—rather than focusing in on what IS.
For YEARS, I allowed my poor decisions, deficiencies, fear, and failures to dictate my focus and essentially stagnate myself. It’s like the saying, ‘what you feed will live and what you starve will die!’ What are you feeding? What are you starving? Don’t allow mere moments to make you feel like you have a bad life. Seasons are not forever.
This past year was one of the most tumultuous. I faced great strife and found it hard to hear or even seek God. I started 2018 with great hope and even great accomplishment—I finally conquered a goal I’ve waited seven years to embark on again. But, beyond that, it all seems a bit hazy. Spiritually broken, emotionally drained, physically maxed, and soul depleted. I was being persecuted from all aspects, especially on my job, and faced one of the hardest trials—literally. I was let go from a job that I practically begged God for year’s prior. I was under so much shame and condemnation. Like, how do you (me) with a Bachelor’s degree and a mom get terminated fro a desire to learn and grow. What will people say? There is NO way I can show my face! I was ashamed and alone [so I thought] and sinking back into depression. God, how do you tell me I’m your beloved daughter yet I am income-less and can’t take care of my child? How could you end this job this way—even though I grew to loathe it?
It wasn’t until I did a real deal true heart check to realize my emotions were all so misplaced. I was in the middle of church service weeping in desperate for a move. As I stood at the altar worshipping in despair, a leader came over and began to pray for me. Instantly my soul began to wail! My mentality was being shifted, mourning erased, and heart mended. I was being set free [delivered] from layers and layers of bondage, seen and suppressed. My will to live began to leap and overpower the guilt and petition to die. It was in that moment divine revelation and freedom coincided to sincerely cleanse my heart a soul of certain traumas.
You see, I prayed a prayer months before my departure. “God, I don’t want to be here. I’m being lied on and talked about! I can’t go another season here, but I don’t want to leave prematurely or without your blessing. So, if it’s your will please make it known.” This ‘termination’ was the termination of a season I PRAYED TO BE RELEASED FROM. No matter how the enemy tried to project what was transpiring it was the result of a prayer and the love of my Father. We tend to feel like God has to move according to our ideas, plans, time, and way. Let me be the first to tell you, He does not! This proved to me my prayers are not just heard, but answered.
The irony is, during the 3 months I was unemployed I had the most peace, clarity, and grace I had ever encountered. Surprisingly, my finances took a leap as well. God stretched what I had and whatever I lacked those close to me and even strangers randomly sowed into me. God proved Himself to be Jehovah Jireh and bring me back to the very scripture I moved to Georgia on in the first place. “I have been young and now I am old; Yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging for bread! (Psalm 37:25 ASV)” I NEVER went lacking or without y’all.
I do not have to die because I suffered a loss! It’s okay to live, for your mourning is only for a season. Walking dead [so many of us have perfected] is unfair to all parties involved! How dare we be kept here, for a purpose, yet rebuke the Father whom is too wise to make a mistake? Do not despise your shortcomings, past, failures, or life! If you still have breath, you still have purpose. I refuse to die full! My legacy will permeate this earthly realm while my soul rests empty from purpose fulfilled, joyous because my work is done, and forever postured at my father’s feet. Trust God with your life and watch him transform it! I AM A SOUL SURVIVOR! You can be too! #WoundedTurnedWARRIOR #WarriorEffect