Hey, hey, hey WARRIOR TRIBE!!
It’s been a while since my last post! That’s definitely all my fault! Life has been moving full speed ahead but I’d be remised if I did not come back and post for you all. This past year has been one heck of a ride! However, It’s a new year, new decade, and an even bigger shift! Ya girl just recently celebrated a birthday and could not be more excited for all this year and decade holds!
Getting to the meat…
I’ve said it on numerous occasions, I am an extremely introspective and reflective person. Yet somehow this year was different! I began to feel a literal shift in my mind, body, spirit, and soul. God has begun to deal with me heavily at the end of last year as it pertains to things to come in this new decade but on the cusp of my birthday this shift was exemplified!
I was literally on the bathroom floor hours before going through self-deliverance. SN: we MUST begin to normalize deliverance! It’s not spooky or super deep but definitely necessary! Anywho, It was kind of crazy because on my drive home I felt the nudge of Holy Spirit say, “it’s time to finish.” I was hesitant because I wasn’t quite sure what all that would entail; yet I obeyed. To add some clarity here, The spirit of premature death had been looming over me all throughout my 2019. I had moments where I accepted defeat simply because I felt as if I was going to die soon anyway so there was no point. Honestly, in retrospect it pains me to see how easily I gave in to the tactics of the enemy. Nonetheless, as God began to purge me on that cold tile floor of every ounce premature death my vision became clearer. I began to see that I am a threat to hell and every one of its agents!
In this very moment, I began unhinging nearly everything I had endured over the last 27 years of my life. The very things I thought I needed or were the essence of who I was began to fall away! Seemingly, I became a stranger in my own body watching the decay of old and the building of new. The person I once knew I no longer knew and the person I was becoming seemed ‘too good’ so I somewhat resented her. You see, people shout over growth but they leave out the part of the stretching and pains that accompany it. To truly grow means you have to not only confront but also begin the weeding away of what does not serve you or the growth you aspire to attain. It’s never going to be easy or less painful but the grand withering brings about the grand rising!
Every single trial, tribulation, test, failure, success, and person I have encountered on this journey has been a contributor to my now. I am immensely better because of it. When you begin to change your perspective, your world begins to align to that narrative.
One of the most transformative moments came at the close of 2019. I was back home for the holidays and around family and friends. As we began to glaze back over the old times, my childhood was brought up –in true typical family gathering fashion. Majority of the people were saying how “bad” I was –this is an area that in seasons past would literally infuriate and debilitate me in the same breath. This time around, I simply didn’t acknowledge it. [Learn what to feed and what to starve in this season –it too is imperative to your growth]. One of my uncles, along with his wife, chimed in saying something that honestly startled me. They said, “I tried to get them to see you were just different! You were not like your siblings, would never be, and that’s okay so stop trying to make you be.” For as long as I can remember I’ve longed for this. Not necessarily for this moment of reconciliation but just to be SEEN! So many times I fell under the scrutiny of their words because I always wanted to chart a different territory. With tears welling in my eyes, they had no idea how this conversation healed and freed me simultaneously from previous childhood trauma of the sort.
This season has been a season of immense shedding both naturally and spiritually and I’m at peace because I finally get to live out loud and love on purpose! I’m the strongest I’ve ever been mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I am undoubtedly marked and chosen by God! For every barrier and blockade that I built, there was a tearing down.
There were several lows and loads of tears but even more moments to remind me “perhaps this was the very moment you were created for.” My call became more curated and my assignment more clearer. The things I fought God so hard to keep were now so miniscule. I see his ultimate plan for my life! Do NOT despise the tearing down, beating, and pressing! It is for the oil to flow and baby, THIS OIL COSTS!
I share that to say, embrace your difference! If no one ever sees you or acknowledges that they do – GROW ANYWAY! Live outside the lines of societal norms and even generational complacency. Never apologize for growing, even if people feel they’ve been forgotten. Sure, it sounds harsh but everyone can’t go and most won’t understand! Growth is a heart matter. One must be ready and postured to be pruned in order to grow.
What I do know and have come to the resolve regarding: I am absolutely RELENTLESS! Though there have been MANY times I wanted to give up, I pushed past my emotions and faced every trial head on. Somewhere along the way I learned how to conquer what sought to conquer me. I allowed God to deal with me on a soul level and I’m grateful! As a result, I was able to see my growth but also the flaws in my growth. Just because you've grown (or are growing) doesn’t mean you hold everyone to the standard or rate of your growth. Your process is yours and there is no one size fit all. Metamorphosis takes time and great sacrifice. Be more gracious.
Know in every situation you’re being cultivated for better! Don’t allow the process to taint your perception of the end result of what's to come make you bitter. Take a breath and process but don’t allow everything to penetrate your heart.
If we can recover quickly the sting of bitterness won't lodge. Silence fear! The more attention you give it the more moments you miss. I feel the tides turning and we will begin to declare just as David did “it was good that I was afflicted (Psalm 119:71).”
Warriors, stay the course! Greater glory lies ahead and if nothing else, when you look at my life and know the power of God’s grace and mercy! I’m far from perfect but He chooses to use me for His glory and His kingdom; NONE of me and ALL of Him! The recipe to ending bitterness: stop warring and start RESTING! Remember Romans 8:38-39 and trust you’re in good hands. #WarriorEffect